Hair Adventures of an Adoptive Mom to a Little Haitian Angel

The first time I met my daughter in Haiti, she had had her hair recently done by one of the nannies in teeny, cute piggyback braids. I really didn’t even have to think about her hair on that visit, just over a year ago now. I remember examining it, as I examined every little feature of her 2.5 year old self, absorbing the fact that this would soon be my DAUGHTER, my first and only child.

With all my nerves and worrying about the adoption paperwork, the political unrest and violence in Haiti, my daughter’s melancholy and silent disposition during that visit, and a hundred other new-mom-jitter-type things, how on earth I was going to learn to do her hair didn’t really creep into my repertoire of worries until maybe 6 months before she came home.

Thank goodness for the Adoption Hair & Skin Care Yahoo Group, devoted to adoptive moms with children of African descent. I joined this group and learned a wealth of things. The minutiae of daily hairdoings were gleefully and supportively discussed on this group. Barrell Beads or Square Beads? Store-bought products or Homemade? Recipes and recommendations abound, people commiserated & complained. I learned that I had a lot to learn about my little girl’s hair! Talk about different than caring for white hair!

I would LOVE to not have to wash my hair every day, but I would have a tough time not being able to just let my hair dry and be natural, or toss it up into a ponytail. I would never have to worry about it getting dry or tangling up, it’s pretty much straight and my scalp’s too oily for my liking.

One thing that perked me right up was seeing all the photos of all the fun hairstyles that the moms did on their daughters. Beads, doodads, clips, ballies, braids….I have always been into beads, but now here was a necessity combined with plain old fun!

I heard about these things called Hair Snaps, which no one could seem to get a hold of except for wholesale. So I started a little business called Snapaholics.com, selling 4 different kinds of snaps, which has since grown into a huge website of every snap I can find, beads, ballies, clips, bandanas, totes, beading tools, moisturizers and oils, styling aids, combs, and anything else I can think of that would fun and useful for these little angels.

Even with all the information and support, all the different things that black hair needs seemed a little overwhelming to me. Conditioner, moisturizer, grease, oil, to ‘poo or not to ‘poo, leave in or rinse out, daily, weekly, monthly, butters, crèmes, pomades, gels, waxes……OH MY! And which product to put on at what time? My head started to spin a little. Then there were braids, twists, piggybacks, cornrows, plaits, locs (dredlocs, sisterlocs, braidlocs)…..I knew from my visit that my daughter had very thin and short hair on the back of her head, so looking down at my fat sausage fingers, I wondered how on earth I would ever learn to do these fancy beady snappy oily things with her hair!

Then, in about July or so, one of the moms from our orphanage went for a visit and showed me a photo of my daughter listening to the talking photo frame I sent down for her. When I saw this -

- I was sure that they probably were going to have to cut this matt out of her hair! I thought Holy Moly what am I in for???

Finally December 2006 rolled around, and I traveled to Haiti to spend the final few weeks of the adoption with my daughter at the orphanage. I took down some hair stuff, but really didn’t use it much. I had thought I would just learn how to braid and twist from the nannies, but their hands flew so fast (and I always had a hundred kids wanting to play with me) it was a hopeless cause.

I finally had the Hair Guru Nanny do a bunch of tiny twists with snaps on the end that I brought down, right before she came home with me on Dec. 23, so it would last as long as possible before I’d have to redo it. I figured I’d have my hands full as a new mom without having to worry about her hair, too. Since I run Snapaholics, I knew that my daughter, as my little sidekick, would have to always look GOOD! And yes, she is asleep in that photo. I am still able to do her hair while she is asleep, thank goodness!

With all my worrying, her hair has turned out to be an absolute joy! I LOVE braiding it and planning the next style, which beads and snaps to use. Should I band the base or not band the base? Should I do butterflies, hearts, stars, squares, flowers? Should I do all one color theme or a multicolored razzle-dazzle? Or should I take her across the street to my neighbors and let them put some extensions in? (Only until I learn to do it too!) I am probably a little TOO excited by it. I love to walk into my Snapaholics office which is spilling over with every shape and color of beads and snaps and ballies, and kind of gleefully clap my hands and dance a jig while I contemplate my next style.

Sometimes she picks the beads, sometimes I do. So far my favorite look in her hair was the new Glittery Shapes snaps I got in, which were EXTREMELY sparkly. So much so that I didn’t use any beads with them. Some of the fine glitter came off the snaps and was all over her scalp and I thought it was adorable (and yes, it washed out).

The metal tail seamless bone combs I sell work great for parting her hair and combing out without snagging, and to top it all off, the Jamaican Mango & Lime products on my site work very well in her hair, and smell delicious, too. I like to combine the Cactus Leave In Moisturizer with the Cactus Oil in a spray bottle, and just soak her hair with it.

But, by far, the most fun are the doodads. If anyone reading this hasn’t yet blinged up their girls’ hair with beads and snaps (forget those old rubber bands or heavy ballies on the end of the braids and twists), then you NEED to try them!!!

Here is a photo of my very first and second styles (before I knew about the “pull-too-tight” bumps – I soon found out):

Clear barrel beads and Style #10 Snaps Black rubber bands from Sally’s at the base

Sparkle Flower beads and Style #3 Snaps Black rubber bands from Sally’s at the base (covered by the flower beads)

Then, in an overzealous moment of crazed doodaddy delirium, I went totally overboard on her little 3 year old head with not enough hair, and did what I called the “Party Do”

Glittery Square Ballies with Transparent Square Beads and Style #1 Button Snaps

This style would look good on a bigger child with a LOT of long hair.

Next I went more sedate with small box twists all over, with her really short back area left free (I frequently leave this area free now in the hopes that it will catch up with the rest of her head!).

Hot Pink Glitter Barrell Beads and Snaps Style #16

I continued along quite well, trying new things with the snaps (such as making a ballie out of two of them snapped to a rubber band)

Screaming Deal Beads plus Snaps Style #11

Colored rubber bands from Sally’s at the base.

My biggest nemesis, besides the short and thin hair on the back and sides, was getting the parts straight….especially if I was doing the parting while she was asleep. I soon learned that the best thing to do was to part her hair BEFORE she went to sleep, at least in the major sections, then either continue the hairstyle after she fell asleep or do the braiding and twisting the next morning at breakfast.

It was fun to let my neighbor put extensions in her hair, and I managed to shove my trusty beads on to the fake hair, snap the snap on, and burn the end of the hair up to the snap.

Extensions with Sparkle Clear Barrell beads and Style #11 Snaps.

One fun thing to do, since her hair is short on the sides, was to take glossy embroidery thread and string some beads on it in a long length, leaving empty thread in the middle, and wrap that around her side twists, securing it with the ballie, and let it dangle and jangle. She LOVED it.(Style #17 Snaps, 16mm Double Ballies, and Opaque Star Pony Beads on the danglies).

She requested butterflies recently, and got them in a big way, along with some Triangle Parts, for which I was VERY proud, as they came out awesomely symmetrical.

Glow in the Dark Butterfly Ponies with Frosted Matte Multi Barrel Beads in between, and Style #3 Snaps on the ends.

Please notice how much LESS scalp is showing in between the parts since the first few style photos, likely thanks to better nutrition and the Jamaican Mango and Lime products I use on her.

Finally, I re-negotiated the hanging butterflies into a few piggyback braids to go green for St. Patrick’s day, which only took about 2 Dora Episodes, in Preschooler time.

Shamrock Mix of Pony Barrel Beads, Style #17 Snaps, and Green 16mm Double Ballies, plus 10mm Clear Ballies.

So, all in all, I guess I was kind of worrying for nothing. The most worrisome moment SINCE she’s been home has really only been the time she leaned her head on the good bedspread right after I had oiled her scalp up! And it is a tad frustrating when she turns her head at breakfast RIGHT when I am about to wrap the end of the hair around the snap hinge and close it, and it slips out of my hands and beads go clattering.

But other than that, I’m having a blast! She just turned 4, and I don’t want to even think of that day I know is in her future, when she turns to me and says “Mom, come on, I’m too old for all that flowery bead stuff!”

Enjoy them while they are young and think that the more bling that is on their head, the more they are like a fairy princess!

-Stephanie, Mom to Gyrlande, age 4, home from Haiti since Dec. 24 2006